Reflections in the Heart
by Chaos Silk
Summary: Introspective drabbles on the characters of FF9, shonen aiYaoi. KujaxZidane, BlankXZidane Completed!
1. Twisted Reflections Kuja

Reflections inthe Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N:.It's 1AM in the morning and I've somehow managed to get in Kuja's head while trying to write the next chapter of Diamond Heart...and the sad thing is, this Kuja doesn'teven exist in Diamon Heart...

Warnings: This could be taken as Kuja/Zidane...

Twisted Reflection (Kuja)

As a child I used to spend hours upon hours in the library, learning new spells, studying the history of Terra, devouring all the knowledge the world of books had to offer me. I suppose in a way you could say that I was raised by those books, seing as how Garland didn't give a damn about me so long as I was powerful enough to wreak havoc on Gaia when I was older. Those books were my parents, teaching me everything I needed to know. Not that Garland ever thought I needed to know anything other than how to kill.

I used to bring a book out with me and sit on the banks of the lake in the center of Bran Bal, reading as my souless siblings wandered about the village doing various menial tasks. None ever acknowledged my presence other than to walk around me, but sometimes when there was nothing for them to do I would catch one or two staring at me with those empty eyes something deeply hidden glimmering in those depths and for a single moment I could pretend that they had souls and truly were my brothers and sisters who cared deeply for me, but then they would look away and whatever it was would disappear and I would return to being the only real person in a village of dolls.

Once though I had someone who truly cared for me, a child barely able to walk and talk who followed me around with stars in his eyes. A cheerful child comparable to the ones I had caught rare glimpses of on Gaia before terror and death overcame them...I found myself watching him as he tried to talk to the other genomes and something in me twisted. I watched him wandering the souless village looking like a lost kitten and I felt an ache in my chest. I watched him come to the verge of becoming like myself and something in me broke. I took him with me to Gaia on a trip, a trip from which he never returned, having 'accidentally' fallen out of the Invincible and onto the doorstep of a theatre company that took in orphan children, no matter what the race.

Garland was furious with me. I could've cared less for that thing that Gaian's called a heart remained with that small boy wherever he was, whatever he did. From that moment on I needed no one but myself, I cared for no one but myself. From that moment on I felt nothing but a rage that was soothed only by the slaughter of countless Gaians. From that moment on I was as you see me today...

And you people wonder why I'm so twisted.

TBC?

BloodyChaos: "That is so...twisted."

Zach: "What in the hell are you running on?"

BloodyChaos: "Seven cups of coffee...Well good night folks I'm off to bed, I promise to have the next chapter of Diamond Heart up as soon as I write it. Leave me a review or two if you please."


	2. Shattered Reflections Zidane

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N:. (Scratches head) welllll...I got bored in class again and rather than work on Diamond Heart I wrote this. Oddly enough Zidane's focuses slightly on Kuja, I just might have to write a fic on this storyline...

Warnings: Same as the first chapter.

Shattered Reflections (Zidane)

I remember nothing about my home save for it's harsh blue light and flashes of silver hair and grey eyes, my brother. He took me away from our home and placed me on some kind stranger's doorstep. I had often wondered if it he had done it because he wanted to keep me safe or because he hated me.

I had occasionally caught glimpses of him walking around Treno on some errand or another, tall, cold and uncaring, like some Lord straight out of those fantasy novels Ruby used to read. He had never shown any emotion when he passed me by, not so much as as eyelash twitching. This of course did nothing to support my childish beliefs.

And yet, he always showed up at my performances. Always, no matter how small the town, no matter what the location. If I ever felt scared or frightened while acting I would always feel his eyes upon me and it all would just wash away, nothing mattered but him and me.

I swore I would always do my best, whether it was as a thief or an actor that very first performance I saw him sitting in the crowd. I had peeked out from around the curtain and had nearly had a heart attack when I saw my estranged brother sitting in the front row, looking slightly agitated.

I know that somewhere deep down he had to love me in some small way, shape or form. For now I am content to let him watch as I and my other brothers perform before the world. I want to make him proud.

Maybe then someday he'll want to be my brother again.

TBC

Review Corner:

Thankyou, Firehedgehog for reviewing

BloodyChaos: "I know it sucks...blame my History teacher."  
Zach: "That isn't an excuse."

BloodyChaos: "Whatever...well back to whatever the hell I was doing in the first place."


	3. Sorrowful Reflections Blank

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: It's fluff, slightly disturbing fluff but still fluff. And written in history class…again.

Warnings: Same as the first chapter. One-sided Blank/Zidane. This is now definitely shonen-ai

Sorrowful Reflections (Blank)

I have a secret.

And not a single person knows what it is. It brings me joy in the darkest of times and pain in the brightest. I have fallen in love with the one person who would never return my affections.

I remember the first time I ever saw him. I was six years old and Baku had just brought in a new orphan for our troupe. I remember looking scornfully at the wet shivering mass of blonde hair, then tearful blue eyes met my own and Bam, I was in love.

From that day on I followed him everywhere I could, taught him everything I knew, protected him from those who thought he was 'different'.

I am the only one who ever sees the true Zidane, the scared boy behind the mask of a womanizer. I held him when the tears have become too much, I encouraged him to follow his dreams, I shared in his happiness and his sorrow. I am his only true friend in the world

Despite all I have done for him, there is still only one person Zidane holds in his heart. The one who makes his eyes shine with love and pain, the one who scorned him, abandoned him, crying in the rain, yet still he loves him and not me.

Sometimes life just isn't fair.

TBC

Thank you **Elisa,** **Firehedgehog,** **Syrup,**and **MakoAnima **for reviewing.

Oh and to answer syrup's question the reason why you can blame my history teacher is because I get bored as hell in there and one of my friends that I often force to beta-read for me sits right behind me…and yes I will be doing one of these on all the FF9 characters that I can remember

I'm seriously considering writing a seperate fic based on these...I think it would be interesting, any other thoughts?

BloodyChaos: "Don't ask…Please don't ask."

Zach: "What were you thinking?"

BloodyChaos: "I was bored and thinking about how Blank might feel about Zidane and Kuja…and this was the result...Please Review and tell me what you think."


	4. Tearful Reflections, Freya

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: Has anyone else noticed that these all seem to be depressing in some way shape or form? Which, for me is really, really odd…I blame my history teacher and my various beta readers.

Warnings: Same as the first chapter.

Tearful Reflections (Freya)

The sorrow in his eyes mirrors my own.

It is different yes, but it's still there. A pain just as deep and as dark as the ocean hiding itself in the eyes of this cheerful boy.

How does he do it? How can he get up every morning with this pain and laugh and smile at the world like he does? How can he continue on cheerfully when his heart has be clove in two?

He's strong, much stronger than I could ever be. It hurts, it hurts so much. Sometimes I find myself unable to breathe because of the tearing at my heart. It's never ending, ceaselessly ripping me up inside.

At least there's hope for me, because there's a chance that my dear Sir Fratley is still alive somewhere. Judging from the haunted look in his eyes Zidane has no such hope. It tells me that whoever it was abandoned him, leaving him to face this cold world alone.

I shall learn from his strength, sharing his pain when it grows too much because out of all of us only I truly understand what he's going through. And maybe someday I too can learn to face the world with a cheerful expression on my face.

If I ever find out who caused that look in Zidane's eyes I swear I shall rip his or her heart out with my bare hands.

TBC

Thanks to **ElfPrincessG**, **Steeple333**, **MakoAnima**, **Elisa**, **Firehedgehog, **and** MuseofDestructiveness**for reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "…One of my Beta-readers said it was melted marshmallow sweet fluff, but then again she's really weird…Not like I can talk though. And I will be writing a separate fic for this as soon as I have free time. Thanks for reading, please review and tell me what you think."


	5. Curious Reflections Vivi

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: Happy Holidays! Hope you all had a very merry whatever-you-celebrate. This chapter's kind of a different from the last few…It's also un-Beta-ed so please don't hold it against me

Warnings: Same as the first chapter.

Curious Reflections (Vivi)

Isn't it odd?

I remember the very first time I saw him, Grandpa had taken me to Treno to get supplies. He was standing in front of the weapons shop, staring up at the moon. He turned and walked right past us, not even acknowledging our existence. Grandpa turned to me as he walked by, his face serious.

"Vivi…" He had said, watching the sorrowful young man walk by. "I see that man before, he lost. He forgot home. Home most important." I had opened my mouth to ask something. He looked at me, a serious look in his eyes. "Home not place, home person."

I never forgot his words; even now they ring clearly in my head. I wonder if he knew then that I would someday face that young man again, if I would see his eyes light up as they rest on his enemy.

He must've known. My Grandfather was a wise man; he had traveled and had seen the world. His last words were to make me promise to see a show by Tantalus, no matter what it takes and to inform another lost boy that his home was wandering in Treno.

I considered telling Zidane, more than once or twice, but after I saw that pain in his eyes after Burmecia I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Kuja misses Zidane more than anything; Zidane would give anything to be near Kuja. Neither can do what their heart desires.

Sometimes home is the one place you cannot go.

TBC

Thanks to **Elisa,** **Steeple333** and **Firehedgehog** for reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "Well…. That was odd."

Zach: "What the hell?"

BloodyChaos: "…I have no clue. Anyways, if you liked it please review."


	6. Distorted Reflections Quina

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: I am very disturbed now…people keep petting my hair (It's waist length and blonde). I dislike being petted, I may meow every now and then but I am not a cat…grumbles This chapter may seem a little odd, but that's to be expected…It's Quina.

Warnings: Same as the first chapter. With a little Dagger/Steiner…A bit of Dagger bashing since my impression was the only ones Quina really liked was Zidane and Vivi.

Distorted Reflections (Quina)

It sad.

Like tragic romance story. Hero secretly love Villain, Villain love Hero. Princess delusional, think both love her.

I think she blind or something. It obvious. Zidane sparkle when he see Kuja, Kuja smile little bit when he see Zidane. She think it cause they around her. She need good whack upside head. Maybe I do it when Knight not around.

Life not fairytale, more like soap opera. Princess need learn this. She better off chasing Knight. I no like Knight much, he no like Zidane, but he good person. I like better when keeps big mouth shut.

I like Zidane, he teach me many things more important than frogs and yummies. I follow Zidane to end of world. He save me from crazy pickle lady.

Sometime I want hurt Kuja for hurting Zidane. But there nothing I can do, just watch, make sure no one else hurt. Especially stupid Princess.

I no care who Zidane loves, nor why. Only care about his happiness.

TBC

Thanks to **Firehedgehog**, **MakoAnima** and **Steeple333.**

And yes there will eventually be a fic based on this, sometime after exams (which are the week after next.)

BloodyChaos: "That was extremely fun to write…"

Zach: "Don't you have other things to do… Like get to work on the Fic based on this?"

BloodyChaos: "I'll get to it eventually…anyways thanks for reading, please review."


	7. Deep Reflections Steiner

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: It's the start of a new semester…which means I need to get to work on the side-fic for this and Diamond Heart…and everything else I haven't updated . Which means not only do I have a lot to do but I have no time to do it…sighs Anyways I'm looking for a Beta-Reader for the side-fic, anyone want to apply?

And yes I do know that this chapter was supposed to be Garnet...But I wanted to do Steiner first.

Deep Reflections(Steiner)

I should feel angry.

The Princess fell in love with him, he who has no heart. I told her time and time again, he's a heartless rogue who'd rather slit his own throat than feel the slightest romantic feelings towards her. She just looked at me and smiled, saying softly that she couldn't help but fall in love with him, after all it was expected of a princess to fall in love with her hero.

She does not understand, she is blind to everything but her love for him. She cannot see the pain in his eyes, the sorrow that hides behind his smile. They are the exact same age, yet she is naïve and innocent whereas Zidane knows all to well the horrors of the world.

She believes that her life is like a fairytale simply because she is a princess, that Zidane will simply fall in love with her because that's how fairytales go. I'm seriously considering leaving her alone with Quina; I've seen the looks the cook gives her when she thinks my back is turned.

I just wish she'd understand this is not a fairytale this is real life and loving him will only lead to sorrow. It will cause her a pain greater than anything else, for the one Zidane truly loves is…Kuja our enemy.

And some people think I don't pay attention.

TBC

Thanks to **Steeple333 Aqua Phoenix1** and **Firehedgehog** for reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "Well…that was different. I usually portray Steiner as a clueless blonde…"

Zach: "…but you're the clueless blonde."

BloodyChaos: "Shut up Zach, If anyone is interested in Beta-reading for the side-fic please PM/e-mail/IM me about it. Or leave it in your review. anyways please tell me what you think."


	8. Delusional Reflections Garnet

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: Double Update! Because this chapter makes me sick…I dislike Garnet I really do. But on the plus side I got some random freshman to read this outloud on the bus…It was really amusing cause he was so loud.

Warnings: Same as first chapter. One-sided Garnet/Zidane

Delusional Reflections (Garnet)

I will make him love me.

If he loved me then my life would be perfect. He would follow my every whim, existing only to please me. Our children would be perfect little angels, little Garnets and Zidanes with Genome tails and summoner horns.

All I would have to do is make him fall in love with me. Which is much harder than I ever expected. In all the stories I read as a child all a princess had to do to gain a prince or hero's love was fall in love with him and he would love her in return.

It is expected of us to fall in love, I'm a princess, he's my hero. I have fallen in love with him, truly I have. He's my knight in shining armor, my prince charming. I love him with all I have to give. Why doesn't he love me back?

Steiner said it was because he was in love with someone else, he wouldn't tell me who it was though though. How dare someone ruin my happiness? I will have them beheaded for treason if I ever find out whom. Zidane is mine, not some…some prostitute's, mine.

But when I asked Beatrix about it, she just looked at me and asked why it mattered, it wasn't like I was really in love with Zidane. I wanted to hurt her, I truly did. I am in love with Zidane, the gallant gentleman that he is. Beatrix just smiled as if I had said something amusing.

She continued to smile when I walked a way in a huff, how dare she says that I don't love Zidane. Zidane is perfect, he's good and kind. When this all ends he will finally declare his eternal love and ask me to marry him on bent knee and I shall say yes.

I will have my happily ever after even if it means I shall have to kill to get it.

TBC

Thanks to **Firehedgehog, Steeple333, AquaPhoenix3, CrimsomCobwebs and Kujafangirl101**for reviewing.

BloodyChaos: **eye twitches** "I really dislike Garnet, I really, really, really dislike her."  
Zach: "Why did you write it then?"  
BloodyChaos: "Because I wanted to get her out of the way. Anyways if you want to review this chapter please do I need all the encouragement I can get. Onto Beatrix!"


	9. Critical Reflections Beatrix

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: Second part of the double update, and it's Beatrix! Beatrix is my favorite female character after Freya: in fact she almost makes up for the last chapter alone. And she has a sword . And I'm working on the side-fic, it should be out soon. I've decided to call it _This Is No Fairytale_ after the last line in this chapter. The Prologue should be up.

Warnings: Same as first chapter. Random foreshadowing.

Critical Reflections (Beatrix)

If love is blind then lust must be deaf.

The Princess can't see past her supposed 'love' for Zidane. She doesn't see that she's acting like a hormonal schoolgirl with her first crush. She doesn't see that she's only in love with the idea of Zidane, with the idea of a hero, not with the actual person who is not as perfect as her daydreams make him out to be.

She and Steiner are two peas in a pod; they both know next to nothing about love and have convinced each other that she is head-over-heels, deeply and madly in love with the poor guy. You can't help but pity him.

It's only a small crush, which will eventually fade with time. This I am hoping for, because if Zidane was ever going to love someone who was not Kuja he would not fall for someone who's love is as obviously false as Garnet's.

If Zidane was going to love anyone, it would be Blank. The redhead would die for the blonde, no questions asked just as long as Zidane was happy in the end. This was proven in the Evil Forest when he was sacrificed himself for his love. Garnet doesn't like him that much; because subconsciously she knows that if her fairytale doesn't become reality and Zidane's fairytale doesn't become reality, meaning he doesn't get Kuja, he is going to end up with Blank.

I wish them both a long and happy life because this is no fairytale.

TBC

Thanks to **Firehedgehog, Steeple333, AquaPhoenix3, CrimsomCobwebs and Kujafangirl101**for reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "I absolutely adore this chapter, it completely makes up for the last chapter…I heart BlankxZidane almost as much as I heart KujaxZidane."

Zach: "You are weird."

BloodyChaos: "Oh and if you get the chance go check out the side-fic: _This Is No Fairytale_ which is set sometime before they open the gate to Terra... so far only the prologue is up."

Zach: "…And you're not listening to me."

BloodyChaos: "Of course I'm not, anyways my dear readers please review and inspire me."


	10. Cheerful reflections Eiko

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: Aaaaaagghhhhh!…It's been hectic this last month…I've been swarmed with work, which means I had no time to type (I write during my easy classes and lunch). A word to the intelligent: never sign up for e-Commerce, especially if it's an online course, it teaches you nothing but frustration and makes you conspire to kill the teacher. Not that I don't do that anyways…

Warnings: Same as first chapter.

Eiko (cheerful reflections)

Zidane is like a big brother to me…

I mean at first it was just a crush, but as time passed by it passed. I still love Zidane, just not romantically though I pretend I do just because it amuses him when I do something incredibly silly in the name of 'love'.

It's the only time I've ever seen him smile, and I mean a real smile not one of those fake ones where it doesn't quite meet his eyes. It made me happy seeing that smile on his face and if pretending to be in love with him makes him happy, then I will swear up and down that I'm totally in love with him.

As long as it's not real it's ok, because if I ever did fall in love with him it'd break my heart. Not only does he not like girls, but also I'm way to young for him. Not that I would ever really fall in love with him, he's like a brother to me.

Too bad Dagger can't see what's in front of her face, she's convinced herself that her little crush is true love. She can't see that it hurts him, I really wish she'd just get over it already. I'm about this close to asking Freya to help me beat her up.

Freya'd do it to, because Dagger's hurting Zidane and nobody hurts Zidane like that. I mean nobody. If either of us ever get our hands on Kuja it's not going to be pretty.

After all that's what sister's are for.

TBC

Thanks to **Steeple333, MakoAnima, Firehedgehog, AquaPhoenix** and **kujafangirl101**for reviewing

BloodyChaos: "It's really hard to get into a six year-old's mind…so it may seem a bit out of character or she may seem to be a bit older than she really is. But hey, in the game Eiko was pretty mature for her age…"

Zach: "Stop rambling."

BloodyChaos: "shush you, anyways I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you thought of it."


	11. Confounded Reflections Amarant

Reflections in the Heart

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9, I own my muses and my sword, that's it peoples.

A/N: And yet another hectic week, month, whatever. I tend to live outside of time as normal people consider it and therefore do not acknowledge it exists half the time. Which is probably because it doesn't… Now in other news I believe I've covered all of the major characters, which means my dear readers that Reflections has reached it's end…so enjoy the last chapter. I'm fully intending to write another FFIX fic sometime in the near future.

Warnings: Same as first chapter.

Confounded Reflections (Amarant)

I don't understand him

How can someone fall in love with their own enemy? Why waste time feeling for someone that you're going to kill anyways? Wouldn't it be easier to simply rip their throat out and be done with all of it.

Not that Kuja would let any of us get that close anyways, sure he'd let Zidane who would never dream of killing him near him. But certainly not me. I still don't know why Zidane doesn't stab him in the gut. The idiot. Sometimes I wonder why I travel with him.

I honestly don't know why I stay, but I think it's more for the battles than for the company… Ok so I'm in denial. Denial is good, it lets you stay in the happy world where everyone's your enemy and you particularly dislike a certain blonde.

So I like Zidane, he's a decent guy. But I'd rather rip out my voice box and donate my intestines to those kids who jump rope in Alexandria than admit it. He's the first person I'd ever met that wasn't scared of me; in fact he framed me for a theft that he himself committed.

If Freya wasn't watching me like a hawk I swear I would punch him for it, just to make myself feel better and to take his mind off that idiot… If you think about it, I'm actually doing him a favor. But apparently Freya thinks that to like someone you have to be nice.

Hey I may like the guy, but that's necessarily a reason to be someone I'm not.

End

Thanks to…for reviewing

BloodyChaos: "The end…Sorry if Amarant's a bit out of character but…he's rather hard to write believably."

Zach: "Riiigght."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways thanks for reading and sticking with me , I do have a fic based in this universe called 'This is No Fairytale" so go read it if you'd like to see more. Thanks again, and don't forget to review"


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